BEST JOKES

DEFINITION OF DIPLOMACY

Q: What is the definition of diplomacy?
A: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.


CHICKEN CHAT

Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, moo?"
A: He was studying foreign languages.


THE GOVINATOR

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."


EINSTEINIUM

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer
"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"

ALEXANDER & KERMIT

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: Their middle names.